WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

and where did they come from?

so i’ve been considering the idea of living with someone and not knowing them at all

or discovering what that is

I guess

like what the horror of that might be?

like how can you live in a house with someone your whole life and never know really fully who they

are

like there’s something that they do

or something that they

some way that they treat someone

and it’s just managed to pass you by

I mean from the perspective of a family I suppose there’s a like a non chosen aspect of that and a

mother and a child and

y’know you can’t help the person that your child turns into

but if you’ve been living with a loved one like a partner for years and you never even knew that

actually they voted Liberal

or that they used to go and throw rocks at the windows of gay teachers

and you find that out

and you realise this whole time you’ve been living with and loving someone that you didn’t even

know

like what’s that like?

and not only that but then to chose that

to chose being in that situation

it scares me

it scares me

knowing full well who I am

and what I do and who the people are that i live with or who I know and I haven’t lived at home for

years

like i’m

I

I’m doing life the best way I know how and I’m doing the things that make me happy and maybe

they’re not what people expect of me

actually that is also

how do I know

how do i know whether I’m fulfilling or not fulfilling the expectations of other people how do I know whether that’s true or not whether I’m

the person that people think that I am

y’know I’m not intentionally hiding anything

well

most things

like right I work

I work at

I work in coffee

I make coffee

and I’m seeing people all the time

and there are farmers and tradies who come through and there are couples that come through

and there are old people that come through

and I look at them and I think you’ve been

you’ve been there your whole

you’ve been together your whole life

like this one lady who now comes in by herself used to come in with her husband they split up

because her husband was cheating on someone else who also came to our coffee shop

I

I

I

Where

You share a community with people and what does it do what do you what is that

what is that

you share a community with people and they betray you with that

community they use that community to fuckin stab you in the dick

stab you in the dick

actually I saw her today

I saw her today she came in and she said it’d been 2 years since her and her husband split up

and he still comes in

and they come in together now him and the that other customer

some weird Pangean merging of continents

and she said it’d been 2 years since he’d left

or since she’d left him and I y’know

to a degree

we’re a small place I can be a little more personable that I could be in like a maccas or I have

more time to at least

and I said what is

I asked her about that like how she’s feeling

she said sometimes she’s sad but then other times she’s relieved she finally got to know him

and that really freaked me out

y’know you don’t really know you’re in love with someone who has the capacity to cheat on you

until they cheat on you

what a gamble to take

and i’ve never had anything like that

like a relationship

obviously not marriage

but that scares the shit out of me

y’know there are certain behaviours that y’know people

you don’t know people exhibit until they exhibit it

like some kind of disease or something

and that’s like intense

or working

like

like

you meet the kindest people the nicest people and you talk to them and you love them and you

get to know them and you laugh with them and then they start talking about trans people and

jesus christ where am I living who are these people I’m with

I mean it’s scary y’know

you really don’t know people until you’re put under immense pressure

like this guy came in and

y’know

I didn’t like him anyway

but he told this

he told

Ricky Gervais has this quote unquote joke

tells this story about a woman

a woman getting mad at him and he said sorry sir

and she said what makes you think I’m a man and he said because of your massive cock

and I think how much do they know about me I mean I try and present in my most authentic way

but do they know me at all

really

and would they think any differently of me if they did

would I be safe if they did know me

there’s a

a

a

so I

y’know like I can’t

I can’t drop people in my life because I didn’t ask the right questions

it’s like the customers at work I still see them I still laugh with them

even though I know they think things I think are abhorrent

I still have to serve them coffee I still have to greet them day to day

ah

it really freaks me out

what do you do

I go and walk with cows and horses most days

walk through the fields and things just because it’s easier

I get staunched by the horses as I walk by them and they look at me especially the little ones they

don’t understand my composition

I feel like sometimes they have that in common with a lot of people in my life

the other horses are just eatin

chewin on grass

enjoying their day

I wonder whether there are snakes out at the moment